The pain

My Research Methods teacher last Wednesday decided to cancel Friday's class because he wanted to attend the undergraduate research conference. I planned on going to see the senior student's presentation of her honor's thesis that I had been a participant in after class. A part of why I wanted to go was because I was the only participant she was showing data for. It would be difficult to explain why without giving extensive information about what her thesis was on, but from what she told me I gather that my data absolutely validated her research. My Abnormal Behavior professor was away Thursday so we watched the movie rendition of the book Girl, Interrupted that we are in the process of reading. The end of the week seemed promising.

On Friday I was an hour early for the undergraduate research conference, so I took a nap in the MUB to pass the time. When I awoke I felt dizzy and struggled to walk straight, falling over multiple times. Having forgotten my cellphone at home, I used the Information Booth's phone to call 911. They picked me up shortly after in an ambulance. They did the standard procedure; monitor my heart rate, put an IV in, etc. They handed me a rather unpleasant substance to drink on the way to the hospital to pacify the symptom. When we arrived they rolled me into a room, keeping me monitored until I was moved into a different room, both of which under surveillance. I stayed there for quite some time, long enough to fall asleep; I can only seem to ever nap when I am under the weather. I awoke an hour later to uncomfortably find two people in the room staring at me. As they were unable to determine the cause of the imbalance, I was discharged after having been there for four hours. During spring break last month I was inflicted with constant light, dizzy spells that diminished over time. The doctors speculated it was an isolated incident and handed me a paper on methods to prevent another occurrence. As I was leaving I still felt off balance but stable enough to drive home. A nurse informed me the next bus to campus would be stopping in front of the building in 20-25 minutes, so I took a seat in the waiting room. After lying down for so long the nauseousness I originally felt when I entered the hospital but disappeared returned even more intense as I began to walk again. From what I could tell my stomach had become uneasy from the swaying back and forth, so I went to the restroom to unsuccessfully vomit. When it neared the time the bus was to arrive, I carefully walked to the bus stop, having to take grab onto the utility poll near the stop to lower myself down from the grass above onto the crosswalk. I sat on the cement seating for quite some time until fifteen minutes had past the designated time. I delicately walked back into the building and used a phone to call the number on the bus stop. The person on the other line notified me that the next bus would be there in twenty minutes. As I was walking back to the bus stop I saw a bus driving toward the stop. I attempted running in an effort to make it in time, but the distance was too great so it past right by. When the next bus came twenty minutes later I was saddened to observe that the bus halted at the bus stop across the street. I kicked myself for not thinking to ask the man on the telephone which stop it was picking up at. Discouraged, I called my mom to come get me, which meant another 45 minute wait. She arrived annoyed and worried as I had not called her about where I was. I had planned on not mentioning what had taken place to not worry her. She drove me back to school to pick up the items I had left behind and to my car. On the drive home I suffered ungodly stomach pain. I fidgeted in my seat the entire drive home striving to relieve some of the pain. I failed to withstand and had to pull over to lay on the ground until it subsided enough to continue. As I was pulling into my drive way I felt the desire to vomit and did so immediately on the ground after opening my door. Vomiting reduced the pain, but not enough. Inside my house I laid on the ground in the bathroom or near a bucket in case more regurgitating occurred. My mom's advice to eat food to throw up worked, decreasing the pain further. I talked to my mom the remainder of the night, which helped get the discomfort off my mind. It was the worst physical suffering I've ever experienced in my life and I wish to never relieve it. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst, the pain was an 8 at it's peak. It would have been higher if it did not die down at short instances. I spent the rest of the weekend recuperating, which translates to accomplishing nothing.

One of the people I have lunch with called me on Monday to check in on me, leading me to presume she had been let in on what had come about Friday. I have not called her back as I feel embarrassed and worried she will not hire me for the position I wanted she has open this summer in her department. The same day the Dean of Students for the College of Liberal Arts, the college I am in, emailed me requesting to meet. We had met less then months earlier to discuss a similar incident that transpired at home to ensure I was seeking help for my safety. When I met with her yesterday, I was displeased to be informed that if a comparable event happens again on campus, my enrollment would be in jeopardy. While her reasoning was sound, it still angered me; it was clear there were alternative reasons not explicatively said. I've calmed down since and will not allow for such a case to come to pass on campus one more time.

That covers everything I remember that needed catching up on. With that said now, I've determined to no longer go to the lunch get together on Wednesdays. Not only do I still preference eating alone, I do not wish to come into contact with the woman involving the job. Overall I did not find it to be a good use of my time. There is beyond any doubt that I will not be employed this summer; it's unmistakable that I am an indecisive person, having gone back and forth over this for weeks now. I need to my energy into getting back onto the road of recovery. It will take time and not be straightforward, but well-nigh all obstacles are. My mom made an admirable argument of why I should delay removal of my wisdom teeth. She rationalized there was no reason to extract them if I was not experiencing aching. When I made her aware my dentist had told me to not hold up because of that train a thought, she made a off-hand remarked that of course he would tell me that. I pointed out she failed to recognize he had no incentive to pressure for extraction seeing another dentist would be performing the procedure. I know her well enough to see her ulterior motive of holding off on paying for it. She denied the accusation, but I agreed to cancel my appointment despite her deception. We held class outside for Research Methods yesterday; the last time one of my classes was held outside was in the neighborhood of one year ago. It has been inordinately warm the last week for this area. Last weekend was awfully humid; so much so Sunday night I struggled to fall asleep. Sleeping whilst hot is near impossible for me. Ever since the temperature approached 90 degrees on Tuesday I've been wearing shorts to school. My only discontent is the chilly wind chill, but it is not notably strong. Back on topic, I was unable to mange not snicker when the professor implored a student to move where he was sitting so the smoke from his cigarette would not be carried into everyone's faces from the wind. When he finished and returned to his seat, he for a unknown account lit a pine cone on fire, producing more smoke then his cigarette had. What a world with such interesting people in it.

On one final note, New Hampshire's senate passed a bill to grant homosexual marriage by a narrow margin of 13 to 11. At the same time they passed an additional bill for the use of medicinal marijuana. There is still a possibility both bills will be rejected by either the house or the governor, but that is unforeseeable. It is intriguing to see a shift in mindset of the state officials in such a short period of time. New Hampshire has been, for the greater part, an old fashioned, conservative area of the country. Residents of New Hampshire have been said to place confidence in one's ability to maintain a decent standard of living without aid. My town of residence is a superlative example of this; the taxes are low because the people on the council are frugal with using it for services to aid inhabitants of the village. For almost 150 years voters in New Hampshire have primarily voted for republican candidates in presidential elections, yet in the past five elections a greater number has voted for the democratic candidate four times. The governor, both Congressional seats and the majority of the Executive Council are from the democratic party. I don't pledge allegiance to a political party, but I am wholeheartedly liberal minded, so I tend to support the democratic party because of similar concerns and the methods of addressing them.

All the colors of the rainbow

From where I left off two days ago, further uncommon customs include holding doors for an unneeded extended period of time, cleaning my ears with q-tips exorbitantly, staring at other people and avoiding cracks in the ground when walking. I'm not sure what the appropriate distance or time to hold a door is, but I would surmise if it is more then three seconds or the person hurries forward, it's too long. My current trend of ear cleaning does not approach what I once did, but I still do it needlessly. The cause may have been when my mom cleaned my ears as a child I indicated areas to be cleaned that felt good and not the areas covered in wax. Staring may be the result of several factors: staring back at those I believe who are already staring at me; a hesitation to speak to someone I had or have briefly known; finding something of interest about the person; and a desire to make conversation with someone, but unable to determine how to approach them. It is not a usual practice to refrain from stepping on cracks and I am in no regards superstitious; that would be silly. Walking can be rather uninteresting so I sometimes take it upon myself to without striking others as walking queerly.

With that out of the way, pulling it back two Fridays ago, while picking up pizzas on my way home from school my mom had ordered, she text messaged me that from her last visit at the restaurant she judged that the girl at the cash register was attractive and that I should hit on her. I was bewildered because for one thing she is my mother and it was unexpected she would say such a thing. Hitting on girls has never been my style; I would rather get to know them gradually. Sadly, a hypothesis I came across said that after first impressions girls make a decision if a male is a potential boyfriend or just a friend. Once that is done it is difficult to move from the friend zone into the other. This would explain why very few girls have ever appeared remotely interested in me. Furthermore, I haven't had a girlfriend in five years and have not indicated a strong desire to change that. My medical conditions hinder much of my functioning, including starting a relationship. When or if I become less afflicted I may casually date but I am not bound and determined to ever marry. I take a dim view of a woman ever wanting to be with me.

Last Tuesday the outcome of the previous Abnormal exam were handed back; I was throughly disappointed with the grade I earned. Even with additional effort the score was nearly identical to the the preceding test. The secret of how to succeed in that class has not been revealed for me. I speculate my predicament is the difference what expectations have taught me is important and what is on the test. I'm not going to beat around the bush; I have a passionate loathing of my Abnormal Behavior professor. There are numerous reasons why. For starters, he is considerably condescending. In one class we watched a video of a patient in a mental hospital. He remarked beforehand that every year students attest the patient is not mentally ill. When one student gave a fairly convincing argument, he responded with simple amusement, not directly acknowledging her assertion. I find particular actions he does to be demeaning and irritating. The class before an exam he hands out phony money for “luck”. He says his message is to not rely on luck to perform well. On the first day of class he wore a pin with a beaver on it and indicated that around exam time he would be wearing it to show he was an “eager beaver” to help us. Comments such as “You're all ignoring all the tricks intelligent people do” is insulting. His approach to the class is very narrow minded; his direction is almost entirely on the case study book assigned for the class. What I find wrong with the case study book is that the vast majority of the cases have no medication used; this does not reflect the current trend in treatment for these disorders. I inquired him concerning this and his support for the implementation of the book into the curriculum was that the studies were well researched and respected. Despite this, as with science classes it is important to utilize the most update to date material to prevent students from getting the wrong idea about the subject at hand. If it were me, I would at minimum use a modern case study alongside it. I suspect he brings little attention to medication because of his clear objection to it. Every article he has assigned or given involved a scandal in the pharmaceutical industry. His feelings toward hospitalization are apparent also; every reading is clearly against it and like the case study book are far from recent. His expertise is the history of psychology, not abnormal behavior, which explains his preference toward older information. To be fair, we all have biases, but deliberately failing to give a balanced argument in a classroom setting is askew. His test questions can often be obscure and frankly hardly at all related to the purpose of the class. The author's writing style in the novel mentioned beforehand has nothing to do with abnormal behavior. In a book full of accusations and word salad he will pick one in particular that holds no significance over any other and expects you to remember trivial details related to it. Finally, he ridicules the patients in the case studies book, laughing at them and characterizing them as “crazy”. I find this to be completely unprofessional and distasteful. To not be completely negative, his reading assignments are customarily interesting as are the videos he presents in class.

This semester I took an independent study on perception which entailed being a research assistant for a senior student's honors thesis; in actuality I was solely a participant. By any means, we finished the experiment some weeks ago and the student has been working on finishing her thesis. I mentioned two weeks prior that I had discovered from a test and experience that I was yellow-green colorblind. In my psychology class in high school I had taken a test where you look at a picture that has a number in it. Tests such as these are used to assess sensitive to areas of light. The only number I could not see was in the yellow/green picture, as did others in the class. As I was playing a puzzle game a few months later I found it difficult to distinguish the yellow and green blocks, yet the people around me were able to distinguish the two without a problem. Seeing that the experiment involved perception, it was necessary to include such information in her thesis. To check this, the professor in charge had me complete the Fransworth-Munsell 100-Hue Test for Color Vision. The test consists of dividing the color spectrum into four and in each section putting the colors in an order that shows the gradual change from each end of the section. For example, for one section at one end had yellow and at the other end had green. The colors in between would gradual go to either end. Each color was placed on top of a glass object with a number written on the back that signified the actual order. I was astonished to find that the only section I completed perfectly was the yellow/green section. This may have been because I expected to do poorly so I was compelled to be more cautious then on the other sections. Furthermore, my perception of color is nearly perfect. The section I did the poorest on was the blue/pink section, but keeping in mind that it was the last section I completed, that may have been from fatigue. Amusingly enough, while I was driving home that day after a rain shower ended a rainbow appeared in the distance.

Up and down

So it has been six days between updates. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? I could say I've been busy or have had too much on my mind to write, but neither is particularly beyond the norm right now. I reckon I just haven't felt like writing for the past week. I'll write what I can tonight tonight, finish tomorrow and in the future, update in quicker successions.

Before that, after spending some time dwelling on it I've become conscious of other atypical habits of mine. I unconsciously shake my legs up and down independently and from time to time concurrently. At one point I believed I possessed restless leg syndrome. The National Institute of Health's criteria is:

• an urge to move the limbs with or without sensations

• improvement with activity

• worsening at rest

• worsening in the evening or night.

I'm not sure if improvement with activity is conveying activity at regular intervals reduces symptoms or singular activities. I have noticed change with the later but not the prior. Shaking occurs solely at rest howbeit no noticeable difference is seen with time of day. There are multiple explanations for what brings it about including genetics, iron deficiency and ADHD. Comically, both my grandmother and cousin do it, a doctor told me years ago I was deficient in iron and I was diagnosed with ADHD last October. The treatment available is expensive and considering it only induces mild discomfort, not worth it. What's more, as a result of being difficult to diagnose, there is controversy whether it is unique syndrome or a catch-all.

I carry around ten to thirteen pens and pencils with me to school. This started in Junior High School when other students day to day besought me for a writing utensil. Few were returned and as time passed my supply evaporated. From then on out I transported an abundant amount in my pocket as reassurance. I persist with this habit even with a superfluous number in my backpack as well. A separate, more recent practice is checking my rear and side mirrors as a drive almost every day. When I earned my driver's license four years ago I almost never adjusted my rear view and never used my side view mirrors. This semester as I was driving to school on the highway I recognized using my side view mirrors would more safely allow transition to different lanes, so I took the time to adjust them for this use. Soon after I adjusted my rear view mirror to my slouching posture. As much as safety is imperative, this fixation approaches obsessive.

This one isn't necessarily an odd habit, more of an odd quirk. I was hankering for some candy two Friday nights ago so I placed my hand inside the cookie jar and yanked out aged jolly ranchers. The time spent inside had caused a partial breakdown, producing a gluey candy. Unwrapping was strenuous and at times needing to rip the plastic off with my teeth when unavoidable. Most would not have the patience for this ordeal, but I was up for the task. As I watched Lost I ate a few pieces at a time, stopping to get more and wash my hands. Not having to slowly absorb the flavor, the halfway melted jolly rancher brought almost instant gratification, unlike the solid state. Undergoing such labor was appeasing.

I'd write more, but I still have much to do before I rest.

It's like crack

I am delighted to report I received my new laptop AC adapter on Friday; hopefully this one will not need replacement. It so happens that after my yoga class on Friday on my way to the Diamond Library I passed the computer cluster in the MUB. I had completely forgotten about it, so I checked it's accessibility and found the difference in available hours in comparison to the Diamond Library to be non-significant. If I'm ever unable to use my laptop at school again I will go there. It doesn't have all the recourses of the Library, but the only resource I used at the Diamond Library was the wireless Internet connection anyhow.

I failed to mention in my last entry that the lunch get together on Wednesday is a weekly event at the MUB. There are only three of us, which forces me to vocalize more then I'd prefer. One person is incredibly shy, resulting in the other person and I holding most of the conversation. When we try to include him his responses are repeatedly abrupt with minimal thought. He gives the impression of being a nice person, albeit not astute. I'm not much of a talker myself, but I contribute to break awkward silence. Last week I called attention to facts relative to the decay of Detroit, but neither were extensively responsive or taken aback.

I lacked any motivation this weekend; I completed absolutely no homework. My entire weekend consisted of catching up on Lost and playing the video games Killzone 2 and Resident Evil 5. On Friday I played Killzone 2 multiplayer most of the night, interestingly enough in my first clan match which to no surprise, I did poorly in. I played incompetently in my second clan match yesterday as well which was my own fault; I am not accustom to playing with few players. Saturday morning I watched Lost on my computer connected to my television screen. I am still enjoying it and have watched up to season two. The rest of the day and weekend was devoted to Resident Evil 5. I find it amusing that I became sleepy around 8:30 pm that night so I went to bed only to wake up at 2:30 am on Sunday to play the game more. When my mom woke up around five hours later I was still playing it. I did stop shortly after and several hours thereafter my eyes were dilated. I continued to play more that afternoon and evening, managing to find time to wash my clothes and bedding. When my mom questioned if I was addicted, I responded with the above title. My CFAR Abnormal Behavior tutor will not be pleased. She had given me a schedule to fill of how I will spend my time every day; I have yet to complete it. I will take some time today to and follow up with it tomorrow.

I was late arriving to school today because I needed to deposit a check in the bank. I'm in the process of switching banks as my main bank is no longer running business in the state. It's a nuisance on account of my debit card for the seconday bank is deactivated from lack of use over a certain period of time. I decided to use one debit card for the checking and savings account I have there which will take two to three weeks to be delivered. In the meantime I will not be able to buy anything as I used the money in my old bank account to partially pay for my summer tuition.

I don't know what to say at this point; I can't seem to avoid her. As I was walking to my Research Methods class, you know who was standing in the area in front of Diamond Library. She was talking on her cell phone, smoking a cigarette facing a different direction then me, enabling me to walk by her undetected. I don't know if there is such as thing as fate, but I can't help to think I'm destined to keep seeing her to be reminded of the course of action I took to cause our relationship to cease. Earlier I walked into the roommate yet again. We spoke very briefly and uncomfortably for the reason that I was not in a talkative mood. It's not that I don't like her, it has more to do with me not having anything of interest to say. When we were around each other at regular intervals I managed to find topics to discuss but as I rule I'm generally a quiet person. As a matter of choice I listen over idle talk. I'm flabbergasted by the frequency I am bumping into these people; before I started this blog I rarely did. Coincidence?

It irritates me that washing my face during the weekday doesn't prevent pimples. I suppose I should be thankful I don't have acne as some people my age do, but I thought by now it would no longer be a concern. It is especially troublesome because I have one in my right ear at the moment that causes my headphones to not fit properly. This isn't the first occurrence of pimples in an uncommon place, but none of them ever interfered with other activities.

I became aware today that I have not described what I look like; one would have assumed I had done so before describing my unusual habits. I am white male at a height of 5 feet 10.5 inches weighing in at around 182 pounds. I have brown hair with an standard male haircut; short in the front and back with short sideburns. My eyes are blue, my head is noticeably large and I have clown feet (size 13). My undersized hands are covered in hair, as is the majority of my (very hairy) body. Thanks to my mom's genes my thighs are humongous; at least twice as big as my arms. Years ago there was so much sweat between my legs I inserted baby power to absorb it. I inherited my dad's large-scale chest, which I was mocked for at a younger age. As much as my mom is against liposuction or any plastic surgery to “improve” one's appearance, she told me once that she'd understand if I had a procedure done “fix” it. I wouldn't consider myself good looking; on a scale of 1-10, one being the lowest and 10 being the highest, I think I am a 6.5. When I was quite larger I thought I was a 4/10, even though the picture rating website Hot Or Not said otherwise. I can't recall the score, but I believe it was above or around a 6. This vague, generic description is fitting; my physical appearance does not stand out.

On that note, time to play more Resident Evil 5!

Times are tough

I had planned on posting a new entry yesterday, but since my laptop AC adapter decided stop working, I’m using a laptop I borrowed from the Diamond Library to type this. This is the second AC adapter I’ve had break on me and moreover it seems both had the same problem. At least with Dell AC adapters there is a black box in the middle of the wire. The problem lies at the end of the black box for the wire that goes to the laptop. On my first adapter, the insulation wore down leaving the wire exposed. It got rather hot so I ordered a new one even though it was still functioning for safety concerns. I tried duck tape and electrical tape to keep the insulation on, but it would never hold. With the second one, based on wiggling the same spot and having the power turn off and on, insinuates that the wire has gotten lose and now has stopped work completely. I conjecture I threw away my first one without contemplating that I might need to use it as a back up in the future as I’m not able to locate it. I already ordered a new one and hope to get it as soon as possible.

I was in a rather agitated state earlier. As I remarked before, I have not been going to the Diamond Library because the girl I’m eluding works there. To work on homework and write this blog post I reluctantly came here. As I was exiting the library to make a call on my cell phone outside to not disturb other people working, she came walking down the stairs. This time there is no doubt it was her. She looked at my with a gloomy frown and my hearted started pounding. This wasn’t because I’m attracted to her; it’s because it pains me to see her. My chest and stomach tensed up and became uneasy. As I stood outside as the phone I had dialed rang, I saw her exit the door and walk away. After I made my phone call I went back inside and borrowed a laptop. As I was finding a place to sit I felt like smashing my hands on a table or throwing my water bottle in order to relieve my agitation. It upset me that the one day I made an exception to go to here I saw her. I was marginally concerned I would see her here, but I never actually foresaw it happening. As I said before, a part of still wants to see her, but the rest of me can hardly lay eyes on her. I absolutely could go without seeing her once more. If I do and there are not many people around I may curse and turn around. The reasons behind this are wholly complex and I am not comfortable yet to share the tale.

Incidentally, I came across her roommate a few days ago by interesting circumstances. If I had gone to the building where my meeting was at 10 instead of the Memorial Union Building (MUB, the community building) and she hadn’t over slept, we wouldn’t have seen each other. Both of us were heading toward the Diamond Library from different directions. I wasn’t sure how she felt toward me, so when I saw an opportunity to evade her by dashing through the mass of children standing in the area a few feet in front of the library I took it. As I was weaving my way through the crowd I heard her call out my name, but continued forward as if I hadn’t heard her. She said it much louder again so I instinctively turned around. The conversation couldn’t have lasted more than 20 seconds. As we were walking she told me that she had overslept, only to be woken up by a text message to make it in time for her quiz. The last time we had chatted she had mentioned that she had applied for a very difficult program and wasn’t completely confident she was going to be accepted (even though she has a 4.00 GPA). I asked her about it and to no surprise, she was in. I congratulated her and as she left to take her quiz, wished her good luck. I’m not sure why she still talks to me after everything that happened between me and her roommate. I would wholeheartedly understand if she didn’t.

I met with my tutor for Abnormal Behavior today. I feel confident that I performed better on the Abnormal Behavior test Tuesday then I had on the previous ones, but there were still questions I was not prepared for. She suggested meeting with the professor again, in spite of having a poor experience my last appointment. Her reasoning was I could ask him if I could look at my last two exams to recognize what I got wrong and to explain that I have been putting in a lot of effort but still having difficultly apprehending what to study. It was obvious I was exceedingly uncomfortable with this, so she offered to come with me and stand outside to overhear our conversation and intervene if necessary. She made it off to be no big deal as she had done it in the past, but I would feel embarrassed to go to that extreme. Besides that, she instructed me to make a schedule of what time, how much and what class I’ll be studying for each day. I’ve attempted it in the past but have never followed through. I understand the advantages; the obstacle is sticking with it.

In other news, I’m sad to report my insurance company will not be paying the additional expenses my Mom’s dental insurance doesn’t cover for the removal of my wisdom teeth. My mom learned this news when she called them to check. They enlightened us that they don’t insure for wisdom teeth that have either fully come in or are impacted; I'm not sure which one. For some people $645 isn’t a lot of money but with our current financial situation it certainly is. This is causing me more internal pressure to get a job, even though I’m in no medical state to have one.

Regardless, I will be taking three classes this summer. My mom is worried it might be too much for me to handle, but I must nonetheless. Besides, I’ll waste my summer if I don’t remain busy. The only issue is the money I procured from my aunt will not be enough to pay for them. I could ask my mom to cough up for the remaining charges, but I’ll take care of it myself; she has enough monetary concerns of her own. I was going to pay $75 to use the gym this summer, but seeing I still haven’t paid for my summer parking pass, I’ll just run around campus for exercise. My savings are dwindling away…

On a brighter note, I went for a nice bike ride yesterday. We’re continuing to enjoy delightful weather, although the wind is a tad cold. I was unable to use the gym for the reason that I had left my wallet at home, which held my student ID, a requirement to use the facilities. It was a pleasant outing; I went around town, taking mostly back roads. I've lived here all my life but I still take joy in the scenery around me. When I returned home I discovered it would have been less difficult had I noticed beforehand that my tires needed air. Unfortunately I have been unable to locate the bike pump. I’m hoping to pinpoint it before my next venture.

This blog post comes to a close as I need to start and complete my take home exam for Research Methods. I am in low spirits for how I did on the in class exam. I should have spent more time studying!

Stuck in the anal stage

As another weekend passes I contemplate how I can use my time better. Hopefully the tutor at CFAR can help me, even if it means having to schedule a homework routine. I have two tests this week; one on Tuesday and another on Wednesday. I'm more worried about the Tuesday test for Abnormal Behavior, which I did study for yesterday by answering the first batch of study questions. Hopefully the teacher's assistant I sent them to will be able to get them back to me with feedback before the test. I still need to finish the general study questions (which I started last night), finish the sample exam and do what the CFAR tutor taught me. I became quite disheartened trying to answer the general study questions today, as there were many I couldn't answer, even with the notes I had taken as I read the novel. I stopped and spent the rest of my time reviewing my notes and the additional readings assigned. I figured getting frustrated wouldn’t help prepare for the test. As for my other exam in Research Methods, if I finish the reading and look over my notes, I should do fine.

I went to an oral surgeon today in regards to my wisdom teeth. I'll be having them removed in June, which I'm not particularly looking forward to, but it has been a long time coming. The cost of dentistry is ridiculous; almost $2,000 to have all four teeth removed. What my Mom's dentistry insurance doesn't cover her medical insurance should; if it didn't we would have to pay $645 ourselves. This makes me feel even more inclined to get a job this summer. I've pretty much given up the notion of taking three classes; financially it seems irresponsible, even with the check my aunt gave me. I'll just have to make the four credits up another time. I haven't had a real job in about a year so finding a new one makes me nervous, especially with the current state of the economy.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I swear I ran into the girl I'm trying to avoid once again. I suspect I saw her walking across the street in the opposite direction of me as I was heading to my Research Methods class. The girl in question was wearing the same jacket and sunglasses I've seen her wearing before. I'll admit that a part of me still wants to see her but at the same time also wants to avoid her. I tried telling myself it wasn't her, but as I continued on I was afraid she was the person walking behind me. Whenever I see a girl who even remotely looks like her I get anxious. Along with forgetting my lunch, being unable to get a snack before class because the vending machine was being refilled and my head phones shocking me multiple times, I became rather melancholy. When I got home I went straight toward the chocolate. I have a bad habit of eating my sorrows away which if I wasn't currently satisfied with my weight, I wouldn't allow myself to do.

I mentioned before I wanted to talk about a few of my unusual habits. The best way to start is by describing how I typically start my day on a school day. I wake up at 7 AM, unless I went to bed early the night before, which I've been doing often as of late. I spend around twenty to thirty minutes online while at the same time eating breakfast. I choose what I’ll be consuming the night before; either oatmeal or cereal or toast or a combination of two. After breakfast I take a shower, letting the water pour over me for about five minutes, get the wash cloth wet and soapy, turn the water off, wash every area of my body I can reach, put shampoo in my hair and then rinse off. Once I'm out of the shower I dry my body and hair off a bit, put conditioner on, brush my teeth using a two minute timer (which I received from the girl I'm avoiding), floss, wash my face with another soapy wash cloth, use mouth wash, rinse off my face and conditioner in the shower, spit out the mouth wash, dry my body and hair again, comb my hair and wipe off the shower walls with a towel. On account of being unable use my dad's razor to trim off my facial hair before shaving, my mom bought me a mini razor. I use it every morning to keep my stubble short. While the appearance isn’t as charming as a clean shave, it's more manageable then shaving once a week. What I do from there is less structured, but I typically go online again and get dressed. I just recently started placing the shower mat and two wash clothes (after ringing them out) onto the towel rack. Since it's a new addition to my routine I tend to either forget or do it right before I leave. I'm usually running late so I haphazardly grab my water bottle, lunch, laptop and power cord, bag, Playstation Portable (PSP) and headphones before rushing out the door. At some point I make sure to spray some Axe on, just in case there is any remaining stench. The night before I pick what I'm going to wear, decide what I'm going to eat for the entire day, make my lunch, fill my water bottle and put everything in my bag I'll need for the day. I use to put my lunch, bag and PSP in my car at night, but I decided to keep my lunch inside with the change in weather. I keep my bag inside because it's easier to put my power cord in it instead of trying to juggle it with everything else I'm carrying. Leaving my PSP out during the winter caused buttons to stick from the cold, which wouldn't be a problem now but since I don't bother putting the other two items, the benefit is minuscule.

When I make my bed I try to do it as perfect as possible, even though I realize I'm going to mess it up as soon as I go to bed. I make sure the sheets are evenly distributed on each side, as straight as possible and that the fitted sheet is airtight. I try to put all the sheets hanging off the side under the bed as far as I can, except for the comforter. To some extent I've always had a morning routine, but nothing this through. There are still many more unusual habits, but since this is a meaty blog post, that's enough for now.

Oh, what a beautiful mornin' Oh, what a beautiful day

I had planned on making another blog entry yesterday, but I ended up playing video games all night, stuffing myself with pizza and jellybeans. The last two days have been gorgeous; clear skies with temperatures in the high 50's and low 60's. It seems that spring has finally come to New Hampshire. I had thought about going on a bike ride today if it kept up, but it doesn't look like it will.

On Thursday I met with the associate director of the Center for Academic Resources (CFAR) at UNH. I could explain what CFAR is myself, but instead I'll just copy what it says on their website: “The mission of the Center for Academic Resources is to assist undergraduate students in achieving their academic potential and in maximizing their educational experience at UNH”. She was very nice and friendly as we chatted about ways to improve my study habits. At the tail end I met with my academic mentor for Abnormal Psychology. Currently I have a C+ in the class and want to bring it up to at least a B, which requires me to get an A on the last two exams. Since she was available later that day, we met a few hours later. She was also very nice and friendly and showed me more study techniques. The next test is going to be primarily about the non-fiction book we read, Is There No Place on Earth for Me?, a story about a schizophrenic woman and her many hospital stays along with the general condition of psychiatric hospitals between the mid 1960’s to early 1980’s. She had me explain the story to her in order to locate any gaps of knowledge. I found everything to be highly helpful and plan on using the strategies this weekend along with completing the study guide and sample exam provided by my professor. Next week she mentioned we would be focusing on improving managing my time to have more consistency. When I worked and had four classes a year ago I used my time pretty efficiently, but now I procrastinate worse than ever before.

I somehow again managed to cross paths with the girl I'm trying to avoid Thursday. As I was walking to lot A to drop off my bag and laptop before going to the gym, her and her roommate walked out of the gym. I at least think it was them; I only glanced over for few second before continuing to look forward. One of the girls was thin and blond, which is what her roommate looks like, and the other had the same body type as the girl I'm trying to avoid. Her hair was covered by a hat that only further solidifies my supposition because she wears the same hat frequently (I have seen other girls around campus wearing it, so it may have not been her). I'm not 100% confident because while her roommate goes to the gym often, I never knew her too. They may or may not have seen me, depending on how much they were paying attention, as the distance between us was moderately far. I hope I don't see her again for the rest of the semester, which is quite possible considering how big the campus is, but based on the past week the chances of that seem slim. Preferably I'd like to never see her again, but considering one of her majors is the same as mine, it's highly unlikely.

I was able to go to yoga yesterday. I hadn't realized the yoga instructor on Friday wasn't the same instructor for Wednesday, unless the Wednesday instructor is currently out. There were noticeable differences between the two; the Friday instructor modifies the standards poses and moves at a faster pace. I found the Friday class to be slightly easier, but still quite a workout; I was sweating heavily by the end of it. I anticipated to experience discomfort after not going for such a length of time; it hurt to walk and stand afterward. I expected to be sore today from it and going to the gym afterward, but I feel fine besides a little pain bending over.

The second petition to drop my other class went through thankfully. Now I just have to decide what I want to do this summer. I could take three classes and not get a job or I could just take two classes, get a job and go with my original plan for making up the four credits I'm missing by taking two, two credit labs. Surprisingly my aunt, who had given me $3,000 last year which I put toward paying for my education, decided to pay for my summer courses. I reluctantly asked my Mom if she would suggest to my aunt supplying me the additional $3,000 that she planned on giving to me in the fall early, because to pay for the summer courses would require me to split the financial aid I'll receive for the upcoming fall and spring semester into thirds resulting in me paying the remaining balance. Considering I paid for my summer courses last year out of my own wallet and haven't had a real job in over a year, my bank account is rather depleted. I don't like asking for assistance, especially regarding money, but I am aware she gave all her nieces and nephews $3,000 last year and will again this like year on account of likely not being with us much longer (she has breast and brain cancer). Having no children she decided to help out the children of her brothers and sisters. Considering I am using my money responsibly, I try to not let it bother me. It was not easy to accept the money because we're not close, but how can you say no to someone with cancer?

What would Freud say?

I had planned on writing my next blog post about some of my unusual habits, but because dreams are so interesting and easy to forget, I thought it would be best to write about it as soon as possible. I don't usually have many dreams, although I have as of late. What I found particularly interesting about this dream was the main location; parking lot A at my college, the University of New Hampshire (UNH). Lot A is where I typically park, which made sense for the first section of the dream, but had no connection with the other two parts. It's possible it was just easier for my mind to use one setting, even if it didn't entirely make sense.

The first part of the dream requires some description of the area surrounding Lot A. There are multiple ways to enter Lot A, but for most people they enter from two ways. The first way is the method I take; heading toward the central campus area on Main Street you take a left turn onto Loop Road, then a slight right at the first turn onto Mast Road, and then go straight until you reach a stop sign. From there you turn left onto Gables Way with the parking lot on the right. The second approach is when you're driving away from the central campus you take a slight right off Main Street onto Mast Road going down a curved hill and then take a slight right onto Gables Way with the parking lot again on the right. It's important to note that the end of curved hill is parallel to the stop sign. I always take the first approach because I enter towards the central campus.

The first part of the dream involved something to do with me and possibly other people counting the number of cars that entered the parking lot from the second method I mentioned. The road downhill is one way, but for some reason I recall there being lanes going both ways. The only other detail I remember is when a truck went up the hill from the stop sign, other people and I noticed this mistake, which signifies it had returned to being one way. The next part of my dream involved some schoolmates from junior high and elementary school playing basketball near the stop sign. Everyone there including me seemed to look the same as we did back then; there was even one person I haven't seen since sixth grade. Whenever I had the ball thrown at me I was unable to catch it and after several failed attempts I admitted that I “sucked”. The third part of the dream had me located in the actual parking lot at my current age, although much larger then I am. I think I was wearing the black wind jacket I wore in Junior High. As I was facing a van a large, rather unattractive woman came out and accused me of harassing her son at school, who was standing to my right. Her son looked like any other kid; short, thin, brown hair, likely around age seven. The woman was very aggressive and actually started pushing me. I asked her how I could be harassing her son at school, seeing that I'm around 20 years old and go to school here. She had been told that the boy harassing her son was named Wyatt. I pointed out the possibility that it was a different Wyatt.

I almost forgot the fourth part of my dream until I started writing this. It involved a class I'm assuming was in high school since some of the people I had played basketball earlier were there but older. We sat at a long white table with the teacher at the front, who was around 40 years old, had a large upper body, bald and African American. I mention this because New Hampshire has one of the smallest state percentages of African Americans in the United States. I've actually never had a teacher who was African American, although I know there was one at my high school. The class involved learning life skills, like being responsible and taking care of one's self. Everyone detested the class; I felt it was a waste of time. The teacher informed us it was requirement and made it clear he was going to be quite strict. At one point I stood up and left, but came back. That's when the dream ended. WWFS?

The rest of my day wasn't as interesting; I found out today that the research assistant position I was trying to obtain had already been filled, which is a bummer. Coincidently, an email was sent to all students informing us that this summer online courses will be offered. I figure if I take an online course along with the other two classes I already plan on taking, I will be on track to graduate in spring of 2011! Later on I was pretty much forced into having lunch with a few people. Originally it was just a casual invitation, but before 11:30 I was called by the person who had invited me and was ordered to come. It wasn't too bad and actually kind of nice to eat lunch with other people for once. The downside was I had planned on going to the yoga class my school offers at noon on Wednesdays, since I haven't been able to go to for the past month because of school work and other higher priority tasks. While I can go to the Friday class instead, I couldn't go to the gym because I had not brought shorts or an extra t-shirt. I thought about exercising at home, but I'll just work out twice as long tomorrow at the gym. For dinner tonight I had a delicious tofu shake that consisted of strawberry tofu, orange juice and banana. I was blown away with how good it was.

Hello my baby

I doubt I'll be able to do a entry every day, but I was in the mood to do another today. Rewinding the clock a little bit, I'll now talk about my early years of life, which of course I don't remember at all so I'll be discussing tidbits I've heard from my parents..

I was a rather small baby. I'm not sure my exact size, but I remember my Mom saying I was about an arm length for her (she is 5 feet 4 inches). I was born with blond hair, which became dirty blond as I aged. My parents picked the name Wyatt from a baby book they had read, not after the famous cowboy. My middle name, James, was after my godfather who was my Dad's best friend. I’ve never met him because they had a falling out caused by something to do with James's girlfriend. While I was in the hospital I was given medication for some sort of illness. A side effect of the medicine was the appearance of a white spot on the bottom of my right front tooth. I still have it today and it is very noticeable when my teeth are yellow. My Mom told me my Dad’s greatest concern after I was born was if I was was expelling feces. He constantly asked her about it for reasons unknown. I remember my Dad mentioning the night they brought me home was a particularly cold night and that they were very worried about my safety. One interesting thing about my birth was that I was pulled out by forceps, which there were repercussions for that I will be dealing with next month. My grandmother Memere (my great grandparents were French Canadian, which is what grandma translates too) use to give me baths in her sink. I was a happy baby that caused little difficulty. That's about all I know.

I went to the Liberal Arts Dean's Office today to find out if my second petition to drop a class was successful. Instead of going directly to the Dean, it will have to go through a committee on Wednesday. My first one passed so I'm not too distressed. I didn't want to drop two classes, but because of all the medical problems I've had this semester, it was a logical decision. I was taking five classes, and since the fifth class didn't cost anything, I'll only lose out on one credit I paid for. I forgot to meet with a professor regarding being an assistant for his research this fall. I became interested in the position after reading a pamphlet with this description; “Interpersonal Relationships Lab. Assist with social psychology research projects involving close relationships and perceptions of others. The responsibilities include assisting with recruiting participants, collecting data (serving as “experimenters”), and coding videotaped interactions. Hours vary with number of academic credits”. My adviser told us at a meeting once that taking multiple labs will look good on applications for graduate school, which is something I’m aspiring for. I had contacted a graduate student about his research assistant position earlier, but it had already been taken. I'm doing a four credit lab right now and plan on doing a two credit lab in the fall and another two credit lab either in the spring or during senior year.

Something unexpected happened today. When I was at my school's gym, I saw a person I've been trying very hard to avoid and her roommate. I've gone so far as not going to the main library on campus, the Diamond Library, anymore because she works there, as does another friend of hers in the Information Technology department who was as cold as ice when I asked her a few questions some weeks ago. Luckily she and her roommate didn't see me, so I snuck over to a different part of the gym. After a half hour of exercising, I stopped to use a different machine. I peered around and didn't see them, so I assumed they had left. The next machine I used was facing the window, allowing me to see the door to the changing room. With only a few minutes left to go, I saw her roommate walk out of the changing room. We exchanged glances, which I'm not sure is good or a bad. We made small talk on our last encounter, so she seemed to be on good terms with me and almost acted like nothing had happened. She also text messaged days earlier checking up on me, but I'm not sure where we're at now. I was worried by the time I was done the girl I’m trying to avoid would come out of the changing room as I went there, since she hadn't left with her friend, but luckily she did not.

So yeah, not the most interesting update. Besides that, I had trouble concentrating last night and ended up watching television for hours on end. I paid for it today; I must have spent over 4 hours working on homework this morning. I plan on doing some more after I write this, but I have no idea how successful I will be as I'm already pretty tired.

They call me Wyatt

Hello and welcome. My name is Wyatt and this is the first entry of hopefully many on my blog. I've thought about starting a blog for quite some time now, but only recently did I decide to go through with it. I don't image anyone is actually going to read this, but I am content knowing it's available and that there is a possibility someone might.

First off, let me give some background information about myself. I was born in Rochester, NH on January 2, 1989 to my parents, Frances and Sidney. I am their first and only child. My mom had been pregnant several years earlier, but from what I can gather the child died from birth complications. My mom had difficulties with both of us, involving massive amounts of blood lost, so my parents came to a decision after I was born to not have any more children.

The three of us lived in a small trailer in Ossipee, NH, a small town of roughly 3,000 people for the first four to five years of my life. The only distinct memory I have of living there is of my dad becoming frustrated with me one morning because I was being difficult getting ready to go to daycare. We eventually moved because while the location was convenient for my mother, whose job was only a few miles away from our home, my father’s commuted forty minutes every day. Another reason was that the trailer was rather small, not suitable for our family. I gather my grandmother bought the trailer from us as she lived there for several years until recently when she moved into a nursing home.

My parents then bought a home in Wakefield, NH, south of Ossipee, a town with roughly the same number of people. The house was small, although quite larger than the trailer, with two rooms and one bath. It was a good choice for several reasons: Wakefield is located between Ossipee and Rochester, which made the distance my parents had to travel to work roughly equal; most of my father's family resides in the Rochester area while most of my mother's family lives in Ossipee, which made the distance between them also equal; our house is close to the elementary and junior high school in town; the taxes in Wakefield are low because the people on the town committee don't like to spend money on providing any services, besides constructing a combined police department and fire station building; and the daycare I went to was very close to our house, which was handy since both my parents worked in the morning.

I suppose that's enough for now. I'll leave more boring background information for another day. As for how today went, I met with my adviser about the classes I'll be taking in the fall. As I had met with her just a week prior, it went smoothly. I was able to get my RAC number, which is the code we have to use in order to register for our classes. I was rather lucky for once; at my college, each grade is given a start date for when they can register their classes, which no surprise, goes in the order of seniors, juniors, sophomores and freshman. To prevent thousands of people from logging in on the start date for their grade, which would crash the school website, the RAC number also provides a particular time for when each student can register. I was lucky because not only will I be able to register on the first day for sophomores, my window opens at 10:30 am. Last semester I waited until the last minute to add my classes, which resulted in me scrambling to get what I could. Luckily I have a history of getting last picks and it has always worked out well. This time I plan on adding my classes the minute my registration window opens.

I think that's a pretty good first blog. Ta ta for now!