The pain

My Research Methods teacher last Wednesday decided to cancel Friday's class because he wanted to attend the undergraduate research conference. I planned on going to see the senior student's presentation of her honor's thesis that I had been a participant in after class. A part of why I wanted to go was because I was the only participant she was showing data for. It would be difficult to explain why without giving extensive information about what her thesis was on, but from what she told me I gather that my data absolutely validated her research. My Abnormal Behavior professor was away Thursday so we watched the movie rendition of the book Girl, Interrupted that we are in the process of reading. The end of the week seemed promising.

On Friday I was an hour early for the undergraduate research conference, so I took a nap in the MUB to pass the time. When I awoke I felt dizzy and struggled to walk straight, falling over multiple times. Having forgotten my cellphone at home, I used the Information Booth's phone to call 911. They picked me up shortly after in an ambulance. They did the standard procedure; monitor my heart rate, put an IV in, etc. They handed me a rather unpleasant substance to drink on the way to the hospital to pacify the symptom. When we arrived they rolled me into a room, keeping me monitored until I was moved into a different room, both of which under surveillance. I stayed there for quite some time, long enough to fall asleep; I can only seem to ever nap when I am under the weather. I awoke an hour later to uncomfortably find two people in the room staring at me. As they were unable to determine the cause of the imbalance, I was discharged after having been there for four hours. During spring break last month I was inflicted with constant light, dizzy spells that diminished over time. The doctors speculated it was an isolated incident and handed me a paper on methods to prevent another occurrence. As I was leaving I still felt off balance but stable enough to drive home. A nurse informed me the next bus to campus would be stopping in front of the building in 20-25 minutes, so I took a seat in the waiting room. After lying down for so long the nauseousness I originally felt when I entered the hospital but disappeared returned even more intense as I began to walk again. From what I could tell my stomach had become uneasy from the swaying back and forth, so I went to the restroom to unsuccessfully vomit. When it neared the time the bus was to arrive, I carefully walked to the bus stop, having to take grab onto the utility poll near the stop to lower myself down from the grass above onto the crosswalk. I sat on the cement seating for quite some time until fifteen minutes had past the designated time. I delicately walked back into the building and used a phone to call the number on the bus stop. The person on the other line notified me that the next bus would be there in twenty minutes. As I was walking back to the bus stop I saw a bus driving toward the stop. I attempted running in an effort to make it in time, but the distance was too great so it past right by. When the next bus came twenty minutes later I was saddened to observe that the bus halted at the bus stop across the street. I kicked myself for not thinking to ask the man on the telephone which stop it was picking up at. Discouraged, I called my mom to come get me, which meant another 45 minute wait. She arrived annoyed and worried as I had not called her about where I was. I had planned on not mentioning what had taken place to not worry her. She drove me back to school to pick up the items I had left behind and to my car. On the drive home I suffered ungodly stomach pain. I fidgeted in my seat the entire drive home striving to relieve some of the pain. I failed to withstand and had to pull over to lay on the ground until it subsided enough to continue. As I was pulling into my drive way I felt the desire to vomit and did so immediately on the ground after opening my door. Vomiting reduced the pain, but not enough. Inside my house I laid on the ground in the bathroom or near a bucket in case more regurgitating occurred. My mom's advice to eat food to throw up worked, decreasing the pain further. I talked to my mom the remainder of the night, which helped get the discomfort off my mind. It was the worst physical suffering I've ever experienced in my life and I wish to never relieve it. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst, the pain was an 8 at it's peak. It would have been higher if it did not die down at short instances. I spent the rest of the weekend recuperating, which translates to accomplishing nothing.

One of the people I have lunch with called me on Monday to check in on me, leading me to presume she had been let in on what had come about Friday. I have not called her back as I feel embarrassed and worried she will not hire me for the position I wanted she has open this summer in her department. The same day the Dean of Students for the College of Liberal Arts, the college I am in, emailed me requesting to meet. We had met less then months earlier to discuss a similar incident that transpired at home to ensure I was seeking help for my safety. When I met with her yesterday, I was displeased to be informed that if a comparable event happens again on campus, my enrollment would be in jeopardy. While her reasoning was sound, it still angered me; it was clear there were alternative reasons not explicatively said. I've calmed down since and will not allow for such a case to come to pass on campus one more time.

That covers everything I remember that needed catching up on. With that said now, I've determined to no longer go to the lunch get together on Wednesdays. Not only do I still preference eating alone, I do not wish to come into contact with the woman involving the job. Overall I did not find it to be a good use of my time. There is beyond any doubt that I will not be employed this summer; it's unmistakable that I am an indecisive person, having gone back and forth over this for weeks now. I need to my energy into getting back onto the road of recovery. It will take time and not be straightforward, but well-nigh all obstacles are. My mom made an admirable argument of why I should delay removal of my wisdom teeth. She rationalized there was no reason to extract them if I was not experiencing aching. When I made her aware my dentist had told me to not hold up because of that train a thought, she made a off-hand remarked that of course he would tell me that. I pointed out she failed to recognize he had no incentive to pressure for extraction seeing another dentist would be performing the procedure. I know her well enough to see her ulterior motive of holding off on paying for it. She denied the accusation, but I agreed to cancel my appointment despite her deception. We held class outside for Research Methods yesterday; the last time one of my classes was held outside was in the neighborhood of one year ago. It has been inordinately warm the last week for this area. Last weekend was awfully humid; so much so Sunday night I struggled to fall asleep. Sleeping whilst hot is near impossible for me. Ever since the temperature approached 90 degrees on Tuesday I've been wearing shorts to school. My only discontent is the chilly wind chill, but it is not notably strong. Back on topic, I was unable to mange not snicker when the professor implored a student to move where he was sitting so the smoke from his cigarette would not be carried into everyone's faces from the wind. When he finished and returned to his seat, he for a unknown account lit a pine cone on fire, producing more smoke then his cigarette had. What a world with such interesting people in it.

On one final note, New Hampshire's senate passed a bill to grant homosexual marriage by a narrow margin of 13 to 11. At the same time they passed an additional bill for the use of medicinal marijuana. There is still a possibility both bills will be rejected by either the house or the governor, but that is unforeseeable. It is intriguing to see a shift in mindset of the state officials in such a short period of time. New Hampshire has been, for the greater part, an old fashioned, conservative area of the country. Residents of New Hampshire have been said to place confidence in one's ability to maintain a decent standard of living without aid. My town of residence is a superlative example of this; the taxes are low because the people on the council are frugal with using it for services to aid inhabitants of the village. For almost 150 years voters in New Hampshire have primarily voted for republican candidates in presidential elections, yet in the past five elections a greater number has voted for the democratic candidate four times. The governor, both Congressional seats and the majority of the Executive Council are from the democratic party. I don't pledge allegiance to a political party, but I am wholeheartedly liberal minded, so I tend to support the democratic party because of similar concerns and the methods of addressing them.