I can't say that it's over

I can't say that it's over

I know that I should believe me

but I can't

Oh yes I can just not yet

Just not yet

I woke up one morning in the past week and threw this chorus together. Imagine someone singing this with a soothing voice with the two yets drawn out. I'm not sure if the lyrics mean anything; in the past I've largely failed at conceiving lyrics to a catchy beat. I worked on them out loud before I came up with something that sounded decent. Well, anything that comes out of my mouth sounds horrible, but if it was sung by someone with actual talent it would be enjoyable to listen too. Soon after near finalization I started remixing the chorus; I do this with other songs not created by me as well. I had it stuck in my head for so much of the morning I recorded it on my computer for safe keeping. I took a stab at expanding it to a full length song with no success.

I have remote justification why I am extraordinarily late with this update. I had two papers to write last weekend for last Monday and have only completed one so far. Fortunately my professor for the independent study forgot when he wanted the paper. Heck, I had to ask him the length and when he wanted me to turn it in a few months ago. When I saw him last Friday he finally asked me about it. My song and dance is two Saturdays ago my predicament began when my gums itched on the left side of my mouth all day. On Sunday it followed up with a tooth ache in multiple areas on the left side of my mouth. This botheration continued the next day with my left ear aching. I had reached my limit; I scheduled a doctor's appointment for the next day. As expected, he prescribed me an antibiotic. Subsequently I had a toothache mainly with ear pain now and again. The issue at hand was the antibiotic, painkillers, brushing nor flossing alleviated the affliction. Fortuitously, I tried cold water which pacified the pain temporarily. For a handful of days I had a water bottle with me at all times to enclose water in the area of my mouth. I had the option of swishing the water around before spitting it out but I instead drank it resulting in many trips to the restroom to my disfavor.

As with relatively all medical afflictions, the origin could have been numerous illnesses. As a precaution, I'm going ahead with the wisdom teeth removal. I mentioned erstwhile that we will have to pay what my dental insurance will not cover. For this reason I could not go to the dentist on account of having to pay even more money for the extraction if I did. The withdrawal is on June 6^th, so if future problems ensue, I'll just have to tough it out. I depended on activities with constant stimuli such as video games, television shows and movies to distract me from the pain. This may be unconvincing, but escapism and sleep are common means of handling pain. The pain is non-existent now, however I h have a mild sore throat. I confess my depletion of motivation did not help the situation. I played video games all weekend and watched Lost; I've done nothing productive.

Two weeks ago I walked into the roommate at the gym. I disremembered in my last entry that I had posted on her Facebook wall apologizing for our last clumsy conversation. Her response left me regretting writing it, but during our following encounter (before this one) she did not look bothered by it. I could see it going two ways: because she knows me to a greater degree then most, she is more understanding of my gracelessness or she is a talented actor. I'll take Understanding for $500 Alex. Some time afterward as I was at a machine I gazed the gym to see if she was still there and sure enough she was using a treadmill behind me. I've stated before I have a tendency to fixate on people, so I regularly turned my head towards her. It may have been so apparent she picked up it; as I saw he turn her head slightly to left toward me; there is a possibility we just synchronized at the same time. Still, last semester I was watching a girl at the bottom of an inclined lecture hall when unanticipatedly she turned towards me. Discombobulated I altered my field of perception toward the floor and never glared at her once more. Is looking at a girl for an extended period of time ogling or admiration? In this case I was not ogling. She is a lovely girl, but her role in the incident is the reason why. Before heading to the changing room, I timidly walked towards her, wished good luck on finals and to take care. I am sure the roommate and “her” have better things to talk about then me, but I would be more at ease knowing “she” had forgotten about me fully. I desire to her, but I know it is a pipe dream.

Samantha did get back to me; I can't recollect her precise response but the gist was she was busy and apologized for not replying sooner. She messaged me on American Online Instant Messanger (AIM) while I was away so I did not respond back. I contacted her on Facebook some time later to see how she was doing. Her responses are always so full of liveliness that I question the sincerity. I've contemplated she used me to collect herself from her disastrous evening because of my accessibility . I struggle to think the best of people, but playing defensive shields from being severely burned. To add fuel to the fire, as I was turning into A Lot in one of my dreams, Samantha said goodbye to me as she walking on the sidewalk in the opposite direction. I did never reschedule with the girl I had called off for coffee, but it broke when we spent over an hour last evening shooting the breeze on Facebook.

In the original post of my previous entry I wrote a lengthy paragraph that I cut because it lacked anything worth interest; further progression has taken place validating it's importance. A small number of weeks ago I watched the movie rendition of Girl, Interrupted, based on the book of the same title we had been assigned to read, in my Abnormal Behavior class. We did not finish the film and because the professor was uncertain we would in the course of time, I downloaded it and watched it to completetion. I sent a mass email to the entire class offering the movie on either CD or directly onto their computer. Three people responded, including a girl who gave me a copy of her notes when I missed two classes because of a medical account. I was eager to help her, but I am unhappy to say I was unable to on account of her missing both scheduled meet-ups to receive a copy. The other two came on time without issue. Amusingly, we ended up finishing the movie in class. Although my work was all for nothing, I didn't lose anything out of it and for a small instance prospected I might benefit, as I'll elaborate next.

On Wednesday I made my way to campus, even with no class to attend, for a Abnormal Behavior test preparation at CFAR. My mentor set up with a mentor for another student in my class to have a person from our class who was achieving for tips on how to prepare for the final examination. I ran late because of having to constantly pour cold water on my tooth. When I got there, I was taken aback that the girl I gave a copy of the movie too was the other student seeking help at CFAR. When her mentor asked if we knew each other, she responded yes with a smile that warmed my heart. When we were done, as I was about to leave I stopped to ponder asking the girl to study with me before the exam. The achieving student invited us to a study group taking place this week, which we both agreed to attend, but I wanted to get to know her more personally. I gathered my courage, approached her, and gave her my proposal. She accepted, the time pending on her moving belongings back home. She delivered her enchanting smile, leaving me mesmerized. I swiftly turned around, spitted out that I'd see her later and left. Not a suave exit by any means, but there is nothing suave about me. Dejectedly, she has not emailed me and it is doubtful she will. I haven't procured an email concerning the study group in addition; I may be alone on this one. This makes me a sad panda.

Last Friday I consummated my Research Methods class. For only studying an hour and a half before the final, it was relatively a cinch. I said goodbye to my professor, a tenderhearted man that I had long exchanges with during the semester. I can not express that he is a marvelous teacher, but he created an atmosphere in the classroom I felt content in. His unusual characteristics such as sitting on top of chairs, bobbing his head across the room when he asked if there were any questions, simulating mice in example experiments and playing the fiddle distinguishes him from other lecturer, if not other people across-the-board. His empathy toward my condition aided me in not failing the class; I handed in an assignment two weeks late. I savored no harsh judgment from him and his overpraise flustered me. He has been the sole instructor I've had any connection with, which I will surely miss.

Before I bring this to a close, I abridged the rant I contrived in a preceding entry when filling out the evaluation sheet for my Abnormal Behavior professor. I am proud to say I achieved filling the page without use of slander. Next entry I will discuss contrasts between my mother and I and hopefully continue with my movie idea before the concepts fade from memory.